The Start of Something New

**Please hang in there with me while I remember how to write. Wait, that sounded funny...you know what I mean...it's been a while.***

I've been thinking for a long time about starting a blog again. I used to blog a lot on Xanga when I was pregnant with Ally and throughout her first year. It was an outlet for me since I was a single mom at the time and I could connect with other single moms. I love that I have that written record of everything we went through, of all the milestones she hit, and of those we hit together. It is always fun to go back and read some of my posts and look back at our time together. It hurts my heart when I think about the fact that I didn't do that with Abby. Life is so much crazier now and I don't have NEARLY as much free time as I did back then.

Having said all that, I think I want to focus this blog more on myself and our family experiences as a whole rather than a mom's journal. Does that sound selfish? I think I am at the point right now that I feel as if the only way I am defined (or the only way I define myself) is as a mother or a wife or a student...but none of that really shows who *I* am.

I am mom to 2 girls (ages 4 and *almost* 1), wife to a wonderful husband who works an hour and a half away. I go to school full time, work 2 jobs on campus, sell Tupperware, and drive 3 hours a day (round-trip) to and from school (with two stops at daycare in between). Needless to say, I have NO free time. By the time I get home at night, I am so exhausted that I barely have the energy to find food for my family to eat and get them in the bed before I crash myself. This, to me, is not ok. I feel like my family is not getting what they need from me because I am always too tired. I am not fulfilling my wifely or motherly duties the way I should which causes unbelievable guilt. I am *very* blessed to have a wonderful husband who just happens to be a much better cook than I am and is willing to cook dinner most nights. He also does what he can to help clean/organize our house. Which helps immensely!

My lists of "to do's" still grow more every day and I never seem to be able to keep up. The one that bothers me the most right now is the "Organize/Clean each room in the house" task. Every time I have a break from school, I tell myself I will take a couple days for each room and get rid of anything we don't use and organize the rest. I have yet to get even one room done and I have been working on it for almost 2 years now. If it were just me, I don't think it would bother me as much. But, I know the clutter drives Alan nuts and I want our house to be safe for our girls and I also want to teach them to be organized people...NOT like their mother! ;-)

SO, now that I have thrown myself a pity party and probably made most people reading this blog want to SCREAM at me to be THANKFUL for what I have (which I truly am! I promise!), I will tell you my goals for the next couple years.

1. Graduate from Winthrop (this is my light at the end of the tunnel! Can't WAIT!)
2. Spend more quality time with my family
3. Get RID of all extra stuff in our house to create a more peaceful (rather than stressful) environment.
4. Start eating at the dinner table every night (this of course must be done once I uncover it...I think it was in the kitchen last time I saw it.) ;-)
5. Get a job teaching in the area.
6. Save enough money for a down payment on our first home.
7. Get some of our debt paid off.

I believe those are all completely obtainable goals...right? A couple are out of my control, but over-all I think this is a good start!

I promise all of my posts will not be this...blah....I always think of great things to blog about while I'm in the car...and by the time I get to a computer I can't remember what I was going to write. lol I even dream witty blogs sometimes...but they never end up coming back to me when I am ready to write them. lol Oh well. I will try to remember to tell you our grill story next time...and also about our upcoming trip to California!! Oh, and Abby's first birthday, and baptism, and.... lol I guess I have more to say than I thought. It will have to wait though. It is time to get some school work done. :-)